TWTW #78: Pumps, Pastries and Protestations

Author:
23.08.2019

Boris was in Germany.

Then he was in France.

Harry and Meghan were on a plane.

Brazil was on fire.

But the only place we want to be this Bank Holiday is in the pub..

This is the week that was. 

 

Pump It, Louder.

We’ve done it. We’ve finally done it.

The question we’ve absolutely definitely all been asking has finally been answered.

There really is a formula for the perfect fart.

Seriously. 

Anarchic comic (and self styled ‘digital entertainment brand for kids’) Beano wanted to find out what the funniest, most flawless flatulence sounded like. Something Denis would be proud of.

So they did, with the help of Dr Helen Pilcher and Voiceover (f)artist Grant Leat. 

And well, the results were pretty groundbreaking. Or wind breaking. Whatever you prefer.

Rage Against the Latrine

In the 60s, we went to the moon. In the 80s, the world’s first artificial human heart was implanted. In 2019, we have created anti-sex toilets

Yep. You read that right.

In an attempt to prevent sexual activity and anti-social behaviour taking place in lavatories, the small seaside town of Porthcawl in Wales is installing bogs that will quite literally soak occupants who are visiting for more than a loo break.

source: Sky News

The defensive dunnys are equipped with graffiti resistant walls, weight-sensitive floors and water jets that will activate if they sense any violent movement.

And just in case getting soaked by a loo isn’t embarrassing enough for you, an alarm will also be triggered and the door will automatically open.

Looks like Porthcawl aren’t fans of dry humour.

 

All Aboard

Say goodbye to the booze cruise, this is how you sail in style. 

A luxury cruise ship captain ordered a feast of Greggs pasties for his 700 passengers this week during a stop off in Newcastle, part of a foodie tour of Europe. 

Source: Daily Star

Norwegian Captain Johannes Tysee, who was in search of the most iconic British cuisine, was told that “a trip to Newcastle wouldn’t be complete” without trying a few (hundred) sausage rolls.

Source: The Star

We just hope the pastry didn’t get too soggy.  

 

This is How We Do It

Not known to shy away from controversy, Channel 4’s latest move comes in the form of a star-studded video entitled ‘Complaints Welcome’. The feature brings genuine negative complaints to life, with the help of a few familiar faces. 

It’s cheeky, risky and we love it. 

Bravo. 

 

And finally…

 

Looking Sharp

Earlier in the week, our collective hearts broke when a devastating story about a missing blind hedgehog made the headlines.

Stephen, who had been blinded by chemicals and was being cared for by Mr and Mrs Tett, had been inadvertently hog-napped when the van he was inside was stolen. 

source: Frank Tett BBC News

 

After an agonising five days, the couple’s hopes of being reunited with their prickly friend were dwindling…

Until they received a miraculous phone call to tell them that Stephen had been found, against the odds, safe and sound. 

We hope he’s getting plenty of Hedgehugs.

 

Happy Bank Holiday Weekend folks!