It is August, right?
Just thought we’d best check.
Only because #LastChristmas was trending on Twitter this week.
Nothing at all to do with the fact we’ve been RSVPing dates for our Christmas party. Already.
Nothing at all.
Welcome to the week that was.
Eat Your Heart Out.
You may have seen we like the odd eating challenge at ilk.
And while we’re all eagerly awaiting the 4th of October, when our latest office challenger attempts to nosh 20 cheeseburgers, we’re yet to find a taker for The Big Ben Number 10.
What’s The Big Ben Number 10, you ask? Oh, just 10 burgers and 25 rashers of bacon separated by a smattering of cheese. The perfect meal for those who really fancy putting their endocardial tubes to the test.
Source: The Guardian
This 12,000 calorie, 1.5kg beast can be purchased from a sweet little pub in County Durham. Who, by the way, care about their customer’s welfare so much they’ve even promised to pay £500 towards the headstone of anyone who drops down dead as a result of the belly busting, sweat inducing mound of grease.
Let Me Ride, The Fish Tube.
Move your 30-50 hogs over, there’s a new meme in town. Or should we say, a fish.
A fish that is being yeeted through a tube, no less.
Seattle based manufacturer, ‘Whooshh Innovations’ (how apt) have created a fish transportation system that allows native fish to cross a dam in seconds, rather than days, in an attempt to aid migration.
The system, which has been nicknamed the ‘salmon cannon’, caught the attention of Twitter users when montages of the fish whooshing along to an eclectic selection of soundtracks, leapt onto their feeds.
Lady Gaga as a salmon going through the fish tube pic.twitter.com/04HCcB1vNX
— 𝚂𝚊𝚕 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚜 Hangry Mode (@salmattos) August 13, 2019
While some less amused viewers questioned “Has anyone asked the fish how they would like to be transported?”, others were left asking if they could have a go.
All we have to say is, where’s the back of the queue?
Would You Like a Knife With That?
The Home Office faced backlash this week after unveiling their latest anti-knife crime campaign:
Covering chicken shop packaging with anti-knife messaging.
Source: PR Examples
The boxes, which include real-life stories from young people who decided to turn their backs on knife crime, were met with outrage from politicians and the public who branded them ‘offensive’, ‘stereotypical’ or, in the words of MP David Lammy, “either explicitly racist or… unfathomably stupid”.
It doesn’t look good for the agency behind the campaign, who boasted on their website that “never has there been an opportunity to target the … ethnics”, who they claim to constitute 70% of chicken shop customers. “45% Black, 45% Asian, 45% Middle Eastern”, apparently.
By our maths that makes 135%.
Gang Signs & Prayer. And a Scholarship.
As the government flounders about with greasy chicken shop cardboard racism, Stormzy has announced that he will be making a serious impact for the disadvantaged by funding two more places for aspiring Cambridge students.
Source: BBC News
The grant, which has received praise from politicians including Diane Abbott, is a result of The Stormzy Scholarship, which already funds two students at the university. Stormzy’s cash ensures promising candidates who wouldn’t normally be able to access such prestigious higher education don’t have to worry about fees or maintenance.
Stormzy, we (21 gun) salute you.
Let’s Get Ready to Travel
We know the journey home from work can be a tough one.
But that journey was made a bit less of a drag for lucky London commuters this week, all thanks to one tannoy operator.
Boxing fans, this might be the best announcement ever to happen on the London Underground.
🎥 Video: Priscila Oprescu pic.twitter.com/rpNYjc6Rlb
— Chris Lloyd (@ChrisLloydTV) August 13, 2019
The man behind the mic made it his mission to cheer up travellers by channelling his inner Michael Buffer, turning the underground into a boxing ring in the process.
Here’s hoping the tube wasn’t too Rocky.