And we’re back.
Not that you’ll see this, because you’ll have switched off all forms of internet in a bid to avoid ever present Game of Thrones spoilers. So you won’t mind us mentioning the bit where they revealed the dragon was actually H, and he’d been running the OCG the whole time.
Here are five spoiler-free things from the week that was.
Beluga or Bond?
Turns out whilst we’ve all been worrying about hackers and radiation poisoning the Russians have been training up an entirely more deadly secret agent.
A party of Norweigan fishermen were surprised to discover a friendly Beluga whale accosting them in the waters near their small village. The inquisitive sea creature turned out to have some form of camera harness strapped to its back with ‘Equipment of St Petersburg’ stamped on it. A trained spy whale. Devious.
We’ve probably not got much to worry about though. The aquatic intelligence asset has since defected.
And what kind of spy saunters up to someone wearing what is essentially a big ‘I’m a spy’ sign? Come on, whale.
We Always Preferred Nintendo
What’s spiky, blue, and universally reviled? No, not the PM. It’s the new version of beloved 90s console hero Sonic the Hedgehog.
A new blockbuster iteration has awarded him something horrible beyond belief: Human teeth.
Safe to say twitter wasn’t best pleased.
James Marsden’s reaction to Sonic is all of our reactions to Sonic pic.twitter.com/Uci98qf24N
— 🌙✨Chaotic H💖rny✨🌙 (@AslinnCosplay) April 30, 2019
[Sonic the Hedgehog movie pitch meeting]
Jim Carrey: [chanting] teeth, teeth –
Director: teeth, TEETH
Paramount execs [pounding the table]: TEETH, TEETH, TEETH! https://t.co/eDzzAmSjDC
— Gavia Baker-Whitelaw (@Hello_Tailor) April 30, 2019
That, and the ill judged use of Coolio classic Gangsta’s Paradise, left a prickly taste in the mouth. So prickly, in fact, that studio bigwigs have demanded a serious rethink.
More Than Just a Story
It’s not often that social media stops us in our tracks these days – it’s everywhere and everything. But an ongoing project in honour of Holocaust Rembrance Day gave us all a pause for thought.
View this post on Instagram
Ad agency Leo Burnett have taken to Instagram to chronicle the life of Hungarian teenager Eva, using the platform to share her life as if she’d had an iPhone handy in the 1940s.
Like millions of Jews, Eva’s story descends into darkness and horror, providing a timely and shocking illustration of why the Holocaust should never be forgotten.
It’s Just Sport
The BBC have been forging a pretty inspiring path for women’s sport over the past few years, and we’re excited to see a summer of must see TV lined up to #changethegame!
There’s the Women’s FA Cup Final and World Cup, the Netball World Cup, Wimbledon, Athletics and Women’s Ashes, all supported by specially commissioned documentaries, podcasts and online content.
And there’s an epic promo too…
To launch BBC’s Summer of Women’s Sport, spoken word artist Deanna Rodger re-worked Rudyard Kipling’s ‘If’ for this EPIC promo. Take two minutes out of your morning and just watch it… 🎥 #ChangeTheGame #WomenInSport pic.twitter.com/SCvxsPqs5v
— Elaine Buckley (@ElaineBucko) May 2, 2019
As we write, the women’s Tour de Yorkshire pack are bravely battling their way up hill and down dale in the wind and the rain too (though that’s on ITV, sorry Beeb).
They’re not ‘giving the men a run for their money’. They’re just… doing sport. So it’s nice to see it on the telly.
Three’s a Crowd
If you’ve got three mates and you need… some pints… for them… There’s a glass you can buy.
I mean, come on.
Carling have come up with something absolutely no one asked for. An interlocking glass that helps you carry four pints of lukewarm mainstream booze back to your sweaty beer garden table without spilling a drop on the fag strewn grass.
Everyone knows if you need four drinks and you’re worried about carrying them you go for four bottles of screwtop wine.
And that’s it! Enjoy your Bank Holiday, folks. And don’t worry. We’d never sink so low as to include a spoiler in the sign off paragraph… Or would we?
No. We wouldn’t.